Teen Troubles' Journal|
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|Monday, September 3rd, 2007|
i have a bad feeling about this school year, even if people say that junior year is the best. i hope they're right, because for the past 2 first years of high school, its sucked.im a loser with no friends at all, ..i just basically ended it with my only friend.... i feel so mad all of the time. its doesnt seem like i should be complaining about my life, but i cant stand it. my mom wont listen to my secret plees of comfort. shes oblivious. no one knows how i really feel, that im depressed constantly. i just want to crawl up in a ball, and sometime i fall asleep, hoping that maybe ill never wake up again. what a dissapointment when the morning comes. a new day of being lonely. i have to constantly wear a mask to hide who i am, so no one will discover that im a freak of nature, who doesnt have or deserve any love. i dont know what to think anymore. Current Mood: angry
|Friday, November 3rd, 2006|
Teen Help Forum
I have JUST created a teen forum quite like this one (but off of livejournal) at http://www.xylophone-trees.net/help/
. It's a place where you can talk about any problems or issues you're having in your life. I'm the super administrator for the site. I've dealt with major depression, anxiety attacks, and states of psychosis since I was 12. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. One step that I'm taking with my recovery is helping people with issues of their own. If you come to the site, you'll be greeted with utmost repsect, and no judgement. It's free to join, and you can either come as a helper, a questioneer, or both.
At the moment, I'm looking for moderators (you don't have to know anything about coding, just being able to give advice). You don't have to be a professional (I'm definitely not), just the desire to help other teens in your situation. If you're interested in becoming a moderator, please email me at email@example.com.
|Sunday, July 30th, 2006|
Posting to this forum is my last result...I feel as though there is nobody left in the world. I may not even get any responses on here but I suppose it can't hurt to try. I have suffered from depression for years and the problems have only escalated no matter how much counseling I go through and how many medications are prescribed for me. I frequently suffer panic attacks and have difficulty sleeping for days at a time. I eat very little and when I do I feel ill. I am insecure about myself as a person but there is no way for me to solve this problem. I constantly feel hopeless and not an hour goes by when I do not think at least once of suicide. Up until recently my sole outlet was music and this is the only thing I have ever been able to do well...but then yesterday I was rejected from music college. Any progress that has possibly been made on my mind surely has been destroyed. I feel empty and shattered and I feel as though nobody even cares. There is nobody to listen to me, I am outside of my home country and I have no friends where I currently am staying. I am discriminated against frequently for my race. But whenever I try to kill myself I cannot. I am a coward. I long for something to come and take me away...I am lost. I need help.
|Thursday, July 20th, 2006|
Hi, I'm new to this community. My name is Mary-Beth and I'm 16 years old. I'm all alone and I have no one to talk to at all, but this is only because I choose to hole myself up inside the house all summer and not talk to people. I'm anti-social, and I can't seem to change this about myself. My family doesn't want to listen to my problems, and my brother is constantly tormenting me for feeling this way. I guess I'm just another teen that's depressed. I feel lame.
|Friday, October 7th, 2005|
*tears a bit*
so im thinking maybe this whole wanting to die faze is just making me look stupid today i went and looked up sucicide methods on the net wow theres alot i need to think about anyway my new srienk gave me new medicine a mood stablizor and anti depressents damn im so sick of these pills they just piss me off i feel so alone so so alone all my so called friends say its not that bad well if only they could feel for me but im done crying i guess its time to be angry now and bitch about how horrible life is ssiigghh help someone anyone help Current Mood: depressed
|Saturday, April 16th, 2005|
why does life seem so pointless
life just has seemed incredibly pointless lately and i dont really know why, probably just my depression. i really need to get help cause this has been going on for years and i hate feeling like this all the time. and im seriously starting to think that i should go drink some windex and end it all
|Thursday, April 7th, 2005|
well, im 14 and im in the 9th grade and i am depressed. I have been depressed for about 3 years. i have finally realized that i need to get help, and i am hoping this group can help some. I have thought about suicide several times before and made plans to attempt it, but i havent truly attempted it, because i dont have the guts and i dont really want to die. I know i need to get professional help, but im too scared to. plus nobody believes me, and people even laugh at me when i tell them im depressed, so i doubt a professioanl would help me. plus i dont want to burden my parents with medical bills. i would appreciate any help you can give me.
|Sunday, June 27th, 2004|
Pain erases pain
For quite some time I have known that I suffer from depression. I started mutilating myself when I was eight. Back then, I didn't know what I was doing was wrong, I just knew it felt good. I would scratch myself until I bled, and then when the wounds began to heal, I would pick at them. Around the time I was 11, I began pulling out my hair, and that was when I was finally diagnosed...Took my mom 3 years to notice anything was wrong...I finally overcame it, but it seems as though lately things are going downhill. Just a few days ago I was going to commit suicide, but instead I began to cut myself. I have had friends who cut themselves, but it was just for show. They would make little scratches on their skin that didn't even draw blood, and they would BRAG about it! It made me so mad...Well, bad to the suicide thing, I was sitting there, and I thought 'I can't kill myself, who is going to clean it up?' Fucked up thoughts, I know. So I thought back to what my friends had been braging about, and before I knew it, I was cutting myself like it was the best thing in the world. Oddly enough, the pain coming from my arms and legs seemed to erase the pain life was causing...And now I am stuck on it...I find myself sneaking away to my room, and rolling up the legs of my pants just to cut myself a few times, before finishing my chores...I know, I sound pathetic, but I need help. When I tried to admit to my mom that I was back to self-mutilating, she started talking about how people only did shit like that for attention. I don't want attention, I want help...God, I sound like such a pathetic fool. I don't wanna die...I just wanna stop hurting. Current Mood: morose
|Thursday, June 17th, 2004|
(All names, including mine, have been changed.)
When I was with my ex-boyfriend back in March-April, I went round his house just to like...hang out. We went up to his room and it was like he was ordering me about, telling me to lie down, take my jacket off, cuddle up to him, etcera.
Anyway, we just started kissing, and he just...he pulls my legs wide and it's like he's controlling them. He wanted something more. So we kiss again, and he pulls my top up, scrunching my bra down and just kisses...that area. I'm feeling so uncomfortable by this time and I think I said no, or maybe I just thought of saying it. Anyway, I try to go, I say I want to go, and he says okay, but as I stand up, he holds me and tries to take down my trousers. All I could think about was getting out of that situation.
I just walked home crying. He was my boyfriend, I shouldn't have thought so weirdly of him. But I kept thinking, when I got home, how much further would he have gone, even if he knew I was uncomfortable?
We're not together any more.
I haven't seen that much of "John"- we're only coming in for exams. However, I saw him a few times this week and the memories can flooding back. I just felt sick, like somehow he might do it again. I still think of it, and the whole thing's so vivid in my head.
Maybe I was just...new to the whole thing, you know? Maybe that was why I was so uncomfortable. But it's practically June and it still hurts me. We didn't have sex or anything, but I just felt really dirty after.
How do I stop these thoughts?
For a few days, a few weeks after it happened, I had nightmares- he kept drifting into my dreams and I'd be back in his room, American Pie 2 on the television, his sister's music blaring, and me lying down on his bed while he makes comments about my body.
Things were calm since we broke up on 2nd April. No nightmares or anything. Just the occasional thought, and then nothing. So why is it only now it's affecting me again? Is it because of the fact that I haven't seen him more than once since Monday?
I don't know whether my inexperience was my fault or not. You know, maybe he just wanted more than I was willing to give, and he got a little annoyed.
Maybe he didn't know how uncomfortable I was with it all. I am so unsure if I said "no" or not.
I just keep going over and over in my head; what would have happened if we had gone further? If I hadn't left when I did? On the Friday we left school, he said I had the chance to "do" him, but I left so abruptly. It backs up what my friend said about his intention of why he wanted me to come round his house in March. If he KNEW I was uncomfortable...does that mean...
The whole experience is coming back again. The smells, the way he switched off his mobile, the way I had to open my eyes and look at the DVD playing to stop thinking about what he was doing.
Was I attacked? How could I have been, if he didn't know how I was feeling?
Am I stupid for feeling this way?
|Tuesday, May 25th, 2004|
Well i am def. going to be writting in this place a lot.
Well i am 15 adn i have problems but not as big as any ones elses though you might think but to me they are.
If you you guys or girls have any advice for me i would appreciate that a lot.
Well one problem that i have is that i can't stand up for my relationship. My girlfriend and i have been dating for a year and two months and i love her to death. I truely believe that me and her will be together forever. But like my mom, doesn't want me to date her (i think?) But like she wont me sleep over her house all the time or when ever i want too. And like its not like i can get pregnant and shit. But like i want to be like "look bitch! i love m.b. and i am going to be with her for a long as time and i am going to sleep over here tonight no matter what you say." But like i jsut can't cause like she hangs up the phone on me or changes the subject of blasts the music and like i dont want to loose my girlfriend. How should i stand up to my mom? and what should i say? i no i sound like a pussy but i tried everything. nothing works with this lady. please help me.
another problem is that my moms boyfriend dave is a prick and like i am going ot kill him one of these days . hes always laughing at me cause i am gay and like i say fuck you you asshole. and like we get into fights and some times i punch him of push him against the wall and then punch him. Some one has to help me with these problems. Can some one? or just ignore this and read some one elses entry. Bye.
i will write more later on...
even though no one else will care...
L. Current Mood: pissed off
|Sunday, May 16th, 2004|
well hey there
yeah um this def. sounds like my type of community. heh. ya see, all my friends decided one day that they didn't like me nemore. now im kinda chubby but all in all im a nice grl. unless u piss me off then im gonna be a bitch. but seriously,ive always told myself that i didn't wanna be alone. How did this end up happening?! i hate it so much! my grandmother (who i live w/) tells me that im better off w/out them. but then y am i so unhappy?? Current Mood: depressed
|Thursday, February 26th, 2004|
Okay.. so.. I don't know.. really, I don't know.
I just hope that someone reads this.
I don't want to be doing this for nothing.
I'm writing off the top of my head, ok?
Well, I've got depression.
Not the "depression" I had a few years back, the "depression".
That was more of an angst thing.. I hate my father, I hate this life, I hate everyone kind of thing..
This.. This depression, I hate. Everything, EVERYTHING, aggitates me. My father, my mother, my sister, my friends, my boyfriend, everything, everything just pisses me off. I DON'T WANT TO HANDLE IT.
that's exactly how I can explain it.. I don't want to have to handle anything. whether it's good or bad. I just can't care.I want to care.
I want to care about something, or someone. Anything. I don't want to just drift along, being extremely pissed off by everything.
I have these stupid tablets, which give me a rash, to make me feel better. They helped. a lot. I haven't taken them for.. 2 or 3 days. I don't want this rash. And now I'm back to where I started. I'm shitty, I can't stop crying.
My boyfriend wants me to go to the movies with him tomorrow, and I just don't want to face anything..I don't want to.
And I hate that..
I have "friends" who sit there and just say shit like "i'm depressed" i'm this, i'm that. and they don't know the half of it. they really don't..
This depression is killing me. I just want to be happy. I want things to be good.
Mum keeps pushing councilling. I don't want councelling. I don't know why. I suppose it's just the hassle. I'm not too sure.
On top of things, I have work on Saturday and work really.. fucks me up. I hate it. But I can't quit it, because I can't live without the money.
I'm always on edge.. I hate being on edge.
Why did I have to have such a.. fucked up.. childhood?
Then I feel bad, because, there's starving kids in africa or wherever with not even half the resources we have. And I'm got some medical stupid depression.
Please.. let me know someone has read this. Current Mood: tired
|Tuesday, January 6th, 2004|
Hi my name is Asia i am 15 years old and i have a big drug problem the first drug i ever tried was acid when i was 10 i went to rehad that next year for speed i stoped for about 5 months and then started agian on speed and a varaity of uppers and downers and muscle relaxents and then i stoped agian becuase of my bf then ifoud out hewas cheating on me and started drugs agian this was 3 months agoand now i wiegh 100 pounds when i wieghed 162 and i am going to start shooting up heroin ive only smoked it but i want a harder hit i know my life is fucked up but i really dont think i can change it without my ex
|Monday, December 1st, 2003|
New here... please be kind...
So I guess this is one of those introduction posts, huh? So I'm 17, gay (with slight bisexual inclinations now and then) and in the closet. I know, I know, but I live in a rather homophobic society (Israel) and conditions have forced me to stay in for a while longer. My parents know, as do my best of friends. I'm going through the same shit we all go through, I guess. I'm romantic to the bone, and I've never had a relationship. Not only that, because of this stupid closet, I won't have one for two years more. And I yearn for it....
Well, I'm here to talk about my issues, and hear about yours. Please don't leave me hanging.... Current Mood: nervous
|Friday, November 28th, 2003|
of broken resolutions
and bad mistakes
that I wouldn't trade
for a millioin years of happiness
I went down the dark path
of damp pugnent air and
moldy rocks, spongy grass
between my toes that won't come out
I walked and walked
through the untrodden brambles
cold dry sticks
lined the road to styx
two rivers, mine and the legendary
merged in a waterfall
I fell over
hit the cold water with a
red hot tenseness
and went uner
under under where the sun don't shine
and birds don't sing and the fish
they look at you sideways.
This year I learned to swim
and for that
I give thanks.
|Saturday, October 4th, 2003|
I have a problem this guy that I like is pushing it to far and made me go away and leave him. I told him I need time. He clung to me like butter to bread. I am scared because he keeps telling me I am the only person in the world who cares for him. That past two weeks he has been telling me me I have to make my decision now or soon and he keeps accusing me of stuff and I am not going out with him so I can do what I want. When we were going out he kept saying are you sure you want to be with a guy in your life and not a girl (note: I am bi-sexual. It was just something that was random and it pissed me off and lately all we been doing is aruging. He live 180 miles away and he wants to move near me, but he would be invading my space and his sister needs him more than I do. He is always complaining about his life and never me. I want to tell him I want nothing more than friendship in the future, but I don't want him to go psyco. Someone please help me. Also he is very immature about things
|Thursday, September 25th, 2003|
For those of you who have no lives, I bring you *tales from creative writing* Long time no see, eh? Yes, I do have a life. Such as attempting to convince my parents to let me do an exchange in Italy *:-D* Anyway... Blah blah blah...I'll update tomorrow, which will prolly never happen. Poems...
before we say goodbye
and wish me
a better life
Kiss me off into the world
Kiss me so I can learn
that without your kisses
life is easy Starting Over
It was two in the trance of morning when
sweet orange kisses
on the violet clouds of morning
caught my wavering attention
through a single portal to reality
my sleepless journey met an angel's same
we watched in the heavy silence
as cold peaches gave way to irridescent pinks
on heaven's wings
our eyes locked
Two mortal conscious beings in a dying world
we embraced the now silver tipped vision
The cold dry air matched the metallic clouds
that I'm sure tasted like a sugary wafer
A chance meeting
of rainbow drenched clouds
My life began
one random sunrise The Lost Boys
We sat in the room
the walls were white
the silence was overly loud
from all walks of life
we were scared and scarred
on our last chance
The clock ticks on...
loosing seconds of our lives
(we've already ruined them anyway)
a common bond
A sigh a sob a convorsation
we're lost boys
in an orphanless world
and we've just left Neverland
On a pirate ship Current Mood: artistic
|Saturday, August 9th, 2003|
Cookies and Apple Juice
once upon a time
when the only difference
between me and you
was the color of our hair
and we dressed in generic clothes
and had cookies and apple juice
I was happy
Life was simple then
and I never cried
unless I wanted to
which was more often then it should have been
I always cry unless I want to
which isn't often enough
I used to be the girl
with brown hair
who sat in the corner and cried
Now I'm the girl
who words don't describe
who stands in the center
|Thursday, August 7th, 2003|
I think I might have to find another place to live soon...
If my dad want's me to be who I am, but his girlfriend, who lives with us won't let me, what the fuck am I supposed to do... I think I'm gonna have to go live with my girlfriend for a while.... Wow, now I fell just like everyone else, leaving the home 'coz, indirectly, of my dad....
Argh, everyone should have seen this entry sooner, but I forgot that my LJ client atoumaticly adds Freinds Only to all of my posts through it.... Current Mood: pissed off
|Tuesday, August 5th, 2003|
Okay, so I just joined. I think this community is a good idea. Personally, there are problems that i feel I need to talk about, but I always regret writing about them in my journal because some of my real life friends are on there and I don't really want them to know about them. So anyways, here it goes:
When I was younger, I didn't really understand that there was something wrong with my mother. In my eyes she was perfect. But when she was committed to the hospital, I realized something wasn't quite right. She was born with a chemical imbalance which lead to other phsyical disabilities such as cerebal palsy and emotion abnormalities such as severe obsessive compulsion and suicidal tendincies amoung other things. In my childhood, she was committed the total of 7 times, and had numerous nervous break downs. She's attempted sucide quite a few times and now has a alcohol problem that she's trying to kick. it's been really hard dealing with that when I was younger because I didn't have much of a childhood. I had to look after my younger brother. But I've started to get past it. And I love my mother. i really do. And I don't blame her for anything.
But recently I've found out that not only did my dad used to have a drug problem, but he's starting to get back into it. From what i've caught from snippets of conversations is that he's starting to get back into cocaine. This is really the last thing my family needs.
On top of that, my younger brother has major anger problems. He hits me and my brother all the time. He's a good kid, but he's got definite issues. And I just don't want to hit him back because I'm afraid to hurt him. But I know one day it's going to come to that if he doesn't stop it. He constantly gets into fights at school. I've actually witnessed a fight at his school with one of his friends. It was not pretty.
And out of all of this, I sort of just stopped believing in my faith. I've had serious doubts about it. I'm starting to come around again, but it's just kinda hard... Current Mood: calm